1 00:00:00,739 --> 00:00:03,263 [theme music] 2 00:00:15,580 --> 00:00:17,060 [lightning crashes] 3 00:00:19,801 --> 00:00:21,281 [birds fluttering] 4 00:00:24,458 --> 00:00:25,938 [lightning crashes] 5 00:00:33,424 --> 00:00:36,296 [music continues] 6 00:00:58,318 --> 00:01:00,146 [lightning crashes] 7 00:01:00,233 --> 00:01:03,106 [instrumental music] 8 00:01:15,814 --> 00:01:17,555 [Clyde] Well, I can see I.. Oh. 9 00:01:17,642 --> 00:01:18,991 Hold still. Hold still. 10 00:01:19,078 --> 00:01:20,906 You are.. Oh! Ah, ah. Oh! 11 00:01:20,993 --> 00:01:23,822 Bang, bang, Mr. Umney. You better skedaddle. 12 00:01:23,909 --> 00:01:26,085 I got a big, bad gun, and it's smokin'. 13 00:01:26,172 --> 00:01:28,740 Oh, don't shoot. I'll do anything. 14 00:01:28,827 --> 00:01:30,829 [Arlene] Oh, just you wait, Mr. Umney. 15 00:01:30,916 --> 00:01:32,657 [Umney] Boy, you're awfully slippery. 16 00:01:32,744 --> 00:01:35,225 Ah. I like 'em slippery. Ha-ha-ha-ha. 17 00:01:35,312 --> 00:01:37,183 You're nothin' but a high-class gigolo. 18 00:01:37,270 --> 00:01:38,315 Low-class, baby. 19 00:01:38,402 --> 00:01:39,707 [laughing] 20 00:01:43,189 --> 00:01:45,017 Oh, gosh, you're fun. 21 00:01:45,104 --> 00:01:46,540 You think so? 22 00:01:51,154 --> 00:01:53,895 Mrs. Sternwood. Uh, have a drink? 23 00:01:53,982 --> 00:01:56,246 Clyde, you stinker. 24 00:01:56,333 --> 00:01:59,205 Mr. Sternwood was the stinker, remember? 25 00:01:59,292 --> 00:02:01,468 And I got you out of it clean and square. 26 00:02:01,555 --> 00:02:04,602 Oh, Clyde, I thought we had something special. 27 00:02:04,689 --> 00:02:05,820 We gave it a go. 28 00:02:05,907 --> 00:02:08,823 Right. Well, no more daydreaming. 29 00:02:08,910 --> 00:02:11,696 I know you don't love me. You've made it more than obvious. 30 00:02:11,783 --> 00:02:14,960 So, I am going to end my life. 31 00:02:15,047 --> 00:02:17,049 - What is that? - Drain cleaner. 32 00:02:17,136 --> 00:02:20,966 Drain cleaner? Somehow, I don't think so. 33 00:02:21,053 --> 00:02:22,968 You know, Mrs. Sternwood, I don't believe 34 00:02:23,055 --> 00:02:25,840 I've ever really seen you the way I'm seeing you now. 35 00:02:25,927 --> 00:02:28,843 - What do you see? - You're lovely. 36 00:02:28,930 --> 00:02:30,367 Cunning. 37 00:02:30,454 --> 00:02:33,631 You are, Mrs. Sternwood, the last eternal mystery. 38 00:02:33,718 --> 00:02:37,330 Scorching, beautiful.. 39 00:02:37,417 --> 00:02:38,636 ...built for love. 40 00:02:38,723 --> 00:02:41,987 Not the kind of woman who would ever 41 00:02:42,074 --> 00:02:44,076 clean her own drains. 42 00:02:46,687 --> 00:02:50,430 - Aah! Oh, my God! - Sugar crystals. 43 00:02:50,517 --> 00:02:53,172 - Just as I suspected. - Oh, my God. 44 00:02:53,259 --> 00:02:54,782 [phone ringing] 45 00:02:56,306 --> 00:02:57,655 Clyde Umney, private investigator. 46 00:02:57,742 --> 00:02:59,613 Oh, I'm a fool. 47 00:02:59,700 --> 00:03:03,095 And you're awfully sweet. 48 00:03:03,182 --> 00:03:05,924 Trouble at blondie's. I've gotta go. 49 00:03:06,011 --> 00:03:09,101 But-but, Mr. Umney, I.. Wait, wait, wait. 50 00:03:09,188 --> 00:03:12,583 Get some coffee for her sugar, will you, doll? 51 00:03:12,670 --> 00:03:15,542 [instrumental music] 52 00:03:20,591 --> 00:03:23,898 - Worries, Mr. Umney? - Not my style. 53 00:03:26,118 --> 00:03:27,946 What have you got here, Vernon? 54 00:03:28,033 --> 00:03:32,080 Why.. Why, that's Jesus walkin' on the sea of Galilee. 55 00:03:32,167 --> 00:03:36,084 And my wife dressed up like sweetheart of the rodeo. 56 00:03:36,171 --> 00:03:37,825 - Nice fringes. - Hm. 57 00:03:43,483 --> 00:03:46,051 Vernon, you've invented something here. 58 00:03:46,138 --> 00:03:47,400 We are standing in the world's first 59 00:03:47,487 --> 00:03:48,923 moving-up-and-down picture gallery. 60 00:03:49,010 --> 00:03:50,621 Why, it's art for the modern age. 61 00:03:50,708 --> 00:03:52,013 Efficient, cost-effective.. 62 00:03:52,100 --> 00:03:54,233 Look out! He's got a gun! 63 00:03:54,320 --> 00:03:55,974 Oh, God. 64 00:03:56,061 --> 00:03:57,541 [grunting] 65 00:03:57,628 --> 00:04:00,283 [clattering] 66 00:04:00,370 --> 00:04:02,459 [elevator dings] 67 00:04:02,546 --> 00:04:04,417 Oh, my gosh.. Officer, quick. 68 00:04:04,504 --> 00:04:06,376 You're a tough old bird, aren't ya? 69 00:04:06,463 --> 00:04:08,813 - No worries, Mr. Umney. - He's right in there. 70 00:04:08,900 --> 00:04:11,772 [instrumental music] 71 00:04:21,347 --> 00:04:24,263 [indistinct chatter] 72 00:04:36,928 --> 00:04:38,233 That's it. I'm leaving. 73 00:04:38,321 --> 00:04:40,192 - Where do you think you're... - Don't. 74 00:04:42,063 --> 00:04:43,413 I have to turn you in. 75 00:04:43,500 --> 00:04:44,501 What's your problem, Ardis? 76 00:04:44,588 --> 00:04:46,459 You got popcorn for brains? 77 00:04:46,546 --> 00:04:49,375 I saw what you did, Dunninger. I couldn't help it. 78 00:04:49,462 --> 00:04:51,116 I was on that street corner waiting for the bus 79 00:04:51,203 --> 00:04:53,031 when you pulled up and shot three innocent people. 80 00:04:53,118 --> 00:04:55,599 Now, don't go soft. They were double-dealing dope addicts. 81 00:04:55,686 --> 00:04:58,166 - I can't just forget it. - You can if you're smart. 82 00:04:58,253 --> 00:05:00,821 If you turn yourself in to the police, they'll go easy on you. 83 00:05:00,908 --> 00:05:02,562 That's right. They'll fry me nice and slow. 84 00:05:02,649 --> 00:05:04,608 When my little sister was lost 85 00:05:04,695 --> 00:05:06,131 drowning in sin 86 00:05:06,218 --> 00:05:09,395 I just waited, thinking God will protect her 87 00:05:09,482 --> 00:05:10,440 that she'd come to her senses 88 00:05:10,527 --> 00:05:11,876 and it'd be alright. 89 00:05:11,963 --> 00:05:14,226 You know what, Mr. Dunninger? 90 00:05:14,313 --> 00:05:16,141 God is out to lunch. 91 00:05:16,228 --> 00:05:18,099 Go the police, and they'll be scraping 92 00:05:18,186 --> 00:05:19,884 your little sister's face off the pavement and shoveling it 93 00:05:19,971 --> 00:05:22,103 in one of blondie's homemade mincemeat pies! 94 00:05:22,190 --> 00:05:23,366 Let her go, Dunninger. 95 00:05:26,847 --> 00:05:30,416 Bow-wow. The talented Mr. Umney. 96 00:05:31,461 --> 00:05:34,377 [intense music] 97 00:05:42,820 --> 00:05:44,822 Clyde, look out! 98 00:05:44,909 --> 00:05:46,780 [gunfire] 99 00:05:50,828 --> 00:05:53,613 [gunfire] 100 00:05:53,700 --> 00:05:56,573 [glass shattering] 101 00:05:58,226 --> 00:05:59,402 Stay here! 102 00:06:02,579 --> 00:06:04,015 [male Behind the bar! 103 00:06:04,102 --> 00:06:07,018 [gunfire] 104 00:06:13,285 --> 00:06:16,201 [instrumental music] 105 00:06:20,901 --> 00:06:22,425 [groaning] 106 00:06:26,472 --> 00:06:28,169 [female Oh, my! 107 00:06:32,304 --> 00:06:34,001 [whispering] Clyde? 108 00:06:38,005 --> 00:06:39,398 Clyde? 109 00:06:39,485 --> 00:06:41,269 [distant siren wailing] 110 00:06:45,317 --> 00:06:48,015 - You okay, doll? - I am now. 111 00:06:48,102 --> 00:06:49,408 Come home with me. 112 00:06:49,495 --> 00:06:52,150 I can't. Mother's waiting. 113 00:06:55,283 --> 00:06:59,157 Run away to Mexico with me, just you, me, and the road. 114 00:06:59,244 --> 00:07:01,986 It's not like that, Clyde. 115 00:07:02,073 --> 00:07:04,684 - You know it never is. - It's different for us. 116 00:07:04,771 --> 00:07:06,207 We're one and the same. 117 00:07:06,294 --> 00:07:08,209 We belong together and someday 118 00:07:08,296 --> 00:07:09,994 I'll prove that to you. 119 00:07:10,081 --> 00:07:11,474 - Come on, folks. - Stan! 120 00:07:11,561 --> 00:07:13,693 - Yeah, Clyde? - Do me a favor, will ya? 121 00:07:13,780 --> 00:07:15,303 See that Ms. McGill gets home. 122 00:07:15,390 --> 00:07:16,653 You betcha. 123 00:07:19,307 --> 00:07:21,092 Stay out of the rain, kid. 124 00:07:22,485 --> 00:07:24,443 [instrumental music] 125 00:07:24,530 --> 00:07:27,272 [indistinct chattering] 126 00:07:29,840 --> 00:07:31,711 [Gloria laughing] 127 00:07:33,844 --> 00:07:36,716 [dog barking] 128 00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:44,811 Shut up, Buster. Get a job. 129 00:07:44,898 --> 00:07:46,552 [Gloria] Whoo! 130 00:07:55,039 --> 00:07:58,172 Whoo! Ha-ha-ha-ha! 131 00:07:58,259 --> 00:07:59,870 Swell. 132 00:08:01,436 --> 00:08:04,352 [instrumental music] 133 00:08:06,877 --> 00:08:09,053 [Gloria] Go on. One more time. 134 00:08:09,140 --> 00:08:11,185 Whoo-hoo-hoo! 135 00:08:12,622 --> 00:08:15,102 Wait. Come here. Come back. 136 00:08:15,189 --> 00:08:17,714 There. Oh! Ha-ha-ha! 137 00:08:17,801 --> 00:08:19,803 - George. - That's my... 138 00:08:19,890 --> 00:08:24,634 [Gloria] Wait, wait. Now. Go! 139 00:08:24,721 --> 00:08:27,680 Ohh! Ha-ha-ha! 140 00:08:27,767 --> 00:08:33,251 [Gloria] Whoa. Okay, one more. 141 00:08:33,338 --> 00:08:36,210 [instrumental music] 142 00:09:04,543 --> 00:09:07,459 [music continues] 143 00:09:10,027 --> 00:09:11,550 [whirring] 144 00:09:16,381 --> 00:09:18,252 [indistinct laughing] 145 00:09:24,868 --> 00:09:27,740 [dramatic music] 146 00:09:37,271 --> 00:09:40,187 [ticking] 147 00:09:47,281 --> 00:09:49,196 [birds chirping] 148 00:09:54,985 --> 00:09:57,509 [horn blaring] 149 00:10:06,561 --> 00:10:09,477 [birds chirping] 150 00:10:12,263 --> 00:10:14,221 Boys, this is one perfect day. 151 00:10:14,308 --> 00:10:16,528 Somebody should slap a little "R" inside a circle symbol 152 00:10:16,615 --> 00:10:18,356 right smack in the middle of this day 153 00:10:18,443 --> 00:10:20,358 a registered Los Angeles morning 154 00:10:20,445 --> 00:10:22,708 a Louis B. Mayer production. 155 00:10:24,231 --> 00:10:25,363 Hmm. 156 00:10:27,844 --> 00:10:29,149 What do you say, George and Gloria? 157 00:10:29,236 --> 00:10:31,456 Something okey-pokey? 158 00:10:31,543 --> 00:10:34,720 Heh-heh-heh. Feeling an itchy-wincy hangover? 159 00:10:34,807 --> 00:10:36,069 [cat meows] 160 00:10:36,156 --> 00:10:38,115 Look! Buster, a cat! 161 00:10:40,073 --> 00:10:41,509 Hey, what's the beef? 162 00:10:41,596 --> 00:10:42,554 Why don't you yap when I need you to 163 00:10:42,641 --> 00:10:44,077 you ignorant mutt? 164 00:10:44,164 --> 00:10:47,037 [instrumental music] 165 00:10:52,129 --> 00:10:54,305 - Vern. - Mr. Umney. 166 00:11:00,224 --> 00:11:02,052 What happened to Jesus walkin' on the sea of Galilee? 167 00:11:02,139 --> 00:11:04,315 Where's the sweetheart of the rodeo? What is this? 168 00:11:04,402 --> 00:11:06,796 [Vernon] Remember, the party is on Friday. 169 00:11:06,883 --> 00:11:09,712 Wait a damn minute. What party? What's going on? 170 00:11:09,799 --> 00:11:11,801 [coughs] Retirement. 171 00:11:11,888 --> 00:11:14,151 [scoffs] To hell you say. 172 00:11:14,238 --> 00:11:16,240 Mr. Landry's coming. 173 00:11:16,327 --> 00:11:19,199 Mr. Sam Landry, owner of this building. 174 00:11:20,461 --> 00:11:22,550 If you don't wanna come, fine. 175 00:11:22,637 --> 00:11:24,117 You've been acting crazy as a loon 176 00:11:24,204 --> 00:11:26,816 for the past six months anyhow. 177 00:11:28,687 --> 00:11:31,168 - What's gotten into you? - You know what. 178 00:11:31,255 --> 00:11:33,039 It's the big C. 179 00:11:33,126 --> 00:11:35,520 Terminal cancer? Since yesterday? 180 00:11:35,607 --> 00:11:37,740 I'm retiring to Arizona. 181 00:11:37,827 --> 00:11:40,830 Gonna live with my sister for as long as I have. 182 00:11:40,917 --> 00:11:42,222 Ha, let's face it 183 00:11:42,309 --> 00:11:45,965 I don't expect to wear out my welcome. 184 00:11:46,052 --> 00:11:48,881 You're supposed to be here, right here sittin' on your stool 185 00:11:48,968 --> 00:11:51,362 with Jesus and your wife over your head. Not, not this. 186 00:11:51,449 --> 00:11:53,233 For how long, Mr. Umney? 187 00:11:53,320 --> 00:11:54,887 And since you know everything 188 00:11:54,974 --> 00:11:56,584 you could probably tell me. 189 00:11:56,671 --> 00:12:00,197 How long do I have to keep driving this damn car? 190 00:12:00,284 --> 00:12:02,373 [coughing] 191 00:12:03,461 --> 00:12:06,246 Well... forever. 192 00:12:07,682 --> 00:12:09,684 Forever, Vernon. 193 00:12:09,772 --> 00:12:12,383 - You can't retire. - No? 194 00:12:12,470 --> 00:12:14,341 Oh, the way it looks to me 195 00:12:14,428 --> 00:12:15,952 I really ain't got a choice. 196 00:12:16,039 --> 00:12:17,780 [elevator dings] 197 00:12:19,869 --> 00:12:21,653 This isn't right. 198 00:12:22,959 --> 00:12:24,351 You know it isn't right, Vern. 199 00:12:24,438 --> 00:12:26,527 What's not right, Mr. Umney? 200 00:12:26,614 --> 00:12:29,530 [laughing] 201 00:12:33,360 --> 00:12:35,232 Bye, Mr. Umney. 202 00:12:35,319 --> 00:12:37,538 [instrumental music] 203 00:12:37,625 --> 00:12:39,540 [Vernon laughing] 204 00:12:44,807 --> 00:12:46,460 Get me the file on the Mavis Weld case 205 00:12:46,547 --> 00:12:47,940 will you, doll? 206 00:12:51,639 --> 00:12:54,555 [instrumental music] 207 00:12:59,778 --> 00:13:01,998 [Arlene] "Dear Clyde, I have had all the groping 208 00:13:02,085 --> 00:13:03,738 and sneering I'm going to take from you. 209 00:13:03,826 --> 00:13:05,523 Life is too short to be pawed 210 00:13:05,610 --> 00:13:08,439 by a washed-up divorce detective with bad breath. 211 00:13:08,526 --> 00:13:10,267 You did have your good points, Clyde 212 00:13:10,354 --> 00:13:12,660 but they are getting drowned out by the bad ones. 213 00:13:12,747 --> 00:13:14,793 Do yourself a favor and grow up. 214 00:13:14,880 --> 00:13:17,143 Yours truly, Arlene Cain. 215 00:13:17,230 --> 00:13:19,493 P.S. I'm going back to my mother's in Idaho. 216 00:13:19,580 --> 00:13:22,279 Do not try to get in touch with me." 217 00:13:23,236 --> 00:13:25,151 She liked it. 218 00:13:25,238 --> 00:13:26,849 She said she liked it. 219 00:13:30,722 --> 00:13:32,463 [Sam] Bad day, Clyde? 220 00:13:32,550 --> 00:13:34,639 [intense music] 221 00:13:34,726 --> 00:13:36,859 [airplane droning] 222 00:13:44,997 --> 00:13:47,870 Samuel D. Landry at your service. 223 00:13:49,480 --> 00:13:51,003 Sam Landry? 224 00:13:51,874 --> 00:13:53,440 You're the.. 225 00:13:53,527 --> 00:13:55,486 You're the one that owns the building. 226 00:13:55,573 --> 00:13:57,009 It's all my fault. 227 00:13:57,096 --> 00:14:01,013 I'm sorry, Clyde, I really am, but, uh.. 228 00:14:01,100 --> 00:14:04,277 ...meeting you has been, well.. 229 00:14:04,364 --> 00:14:06,758 ...not what I expected. 230 00:14:06,845 --> 00:14:09,195 For one thing.. 231 00:14:09,282 --> 00:14:11,328 ...I like you a lot more than I thought I would. 232 00:14:11,415 --> 00:14:14,984 But I've got business here.. 233 00:14:15,071 --> 00:14:16,855 ...and there's no going back. 234 00:14:16,942 --> 00:14:19,205 Yeah, y-y-you're not like any businessman 235 00:14:19,292 --> 00:14:20,554 I have ever seen. 236 00:14:20,641 --> 00:14:21,991 You call that a briefcase? 237 00:14:22,078 --> 00:14:25,211 It's a computer, a typewriter with a brain. 238 00:14:26,343 --> 00:14:28,867 Ah. Ha-ha. Okay. 239 00:14:28,954 --> 00:14:30,913 I'm gettin' it now. 240 00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:32,523 You carry a brain around in your briefcase. 241 00:14:32,610 --> 00:14:33,959 You wear shoes that look like 242 00:14:34,046 --> 00:14:36,570 Boris Karloff's Frankenstein get-up 243 00:14:36,657 --> 00:14:39,791 What are you, some sort of a horror-movie guy? 244 00:14:39,878 --> 00:14:42,402 No. Clyde, I'm a literary guy. 245 00:14:42,489 --> 00:14:44,578 What's the writing on your shoes? 246 00:14:44,665 --> 00:14:46,145 - Reebok. - Reebok? 247 00:14:46,232 --> 00:14:49,018 Sounds like a dish on a Chinese carryout menu. 248 00:14:49,105 --> 00:14:51,368 Oh, you like that, huh? 249 00:14:51,455 --> 00:14:53,283 I know all your ideas, Clyde. 250 00:14:53,370 --> 00:14:56,764 - After all, I'm you. - Yeah. 251 00:14:56,851 --> 00:14:58,549 I noticed the resemblance. 252 00:14:58,636 --> 00:15:00,551 Not familiar with the Cologne, though. 253 00:15:00,638 --> 00:15:02,335 It's called Aramis. 254 00:15:02,422 --> 00:15:04,381 It won't be invented for another 40 years or so 255 00:15:04,468 --> 00:15:05,425 just like my sneakers. 256 00:15:05,512 --> 00:15:07,166 The devil you say. 257 00:15:07,253 --> 00:15:09,125 Ah, the devil might come into it. 258 00:15:09,212 --> 00:15:10,778 Where are you from? 259 00:15:10,865 --> 00:15:13,868 I come from the future, Clyde.. 260 00:15:13,956 --> 00:15:16,175 ...just like a.. 261 00:15:16,262 --> 00:15:18,177 ...a pulp-magazine story. 262 00:15:18,264 --> 00:15:20,919 Yeah, you come from Sunnyland Sanitarium, more like it. 263 00:15:21,006 --> 00:15:23,400 But not like a science-fiction story. 264 00:15:23,487 --> 00:15:25,619 Not exactly. 265 00:15:25,706 --> 00:15:27,360 What was your father's name, Clyde? 266 00:15:27,447 --> 00:15:30,059 What has that got to do with the price of cucumbers on Monday? 267 00:15:30,146 --> 00:15:32,235 You don't know, do you? What about your mother's? 268 00:15:32,322 --> 00:15:33,758 Here's a couple of easy ones across the plate. 269 00:15:33,845 --> 00:15:34,977 Where'd you go to school? 270 00:15:35,064 --> 00:15:36,108 What was the name of the first girl 271 00:15:36,195 --> 00:15:37,283 you ever went all the way with? 272 00:15:37,370 --> 00:15:38,676 Okay, stop playin' games. 273 00:15:38,763 --> 00:15:40,156 Where'd you grow up? 274 00:15:40,243 --> 00:15:42,245 Carmel? Dusty bottom, New Mexico? 275 00:15:42,332 --> 00:15:45,639 - Cut the crap. - Do you know? Do you? 276 00:15:45,726 --> 00:15:47,946 Yeah. It was, um.. 277 00:15:49,817 --> 00:15:53,038 [Samuel] "San Diego! Born and raised." 278 00:15:53,125 --> 00:15:55,171 San Diego. That feels right. 279 00:15:55,258 --> 00:15:58,261 It feels right because I wrote it. 280 00:15:58,348 --> 00:16:00,002 What's a Sony? 281 00:16:00,089 --> 00:16:02,221 Some sort of a side dish you get with a Reebok dinner? 282 00:16:02,308 --> 00:16:05,355 [chuckles] It's a Japanese electronics company. 283 00:16:05,442 --> 00:16:07,661 Oh, now you're kiddin' me, mister. 284 00:16:07,748 --> 00:16:10,055 The Japs can't even make a windup toy. 285 00:16:10,142 --> 00:16:12,144 Not now. 286 00:16:12,231 --> 00:16:14,016 Tell me, Clyde, when is now? 287 00:16:14,103 --> 00:16:17,628 - Do you know the date? - 1938. 288 00:16:17,715 --> 00:16:20,761 W-w-wait, wait a minute. Uh, 1939. 289 00:16:20,848 --> 00:16:24,113 Don't feel badly. You don't know, because I don't know. 290 00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:28,204 I've always kept the timeline vague in my novels. 291 00:16:28,291 --> 00:16:31,903 Going more for a feeling. Call it Chandler American time. 292 00:16:31,990 --> 00:16:34,732 - Works for my readers. - Okay. 293 00:16:34,819 --> 00:16:36,516 Tell me what's goin' on here. 294 00:16:36,603 --> 00:16:38,170 [instrumental music] 295 00:16:38,257 --> 00:16:41,565 You're beginning to know, aren't you? 296 00:16:41,652 --> 00:16:43,306 Maybe I don't know my dad's name or my mom's name 297 00:16:43,393 --> 00:16:46,396 or the first girl I went to bed with because.. 298 00:16:46,483 --> 00:16:49,268 ...you don't know. Is that it? 299 00:16:49,355 --> 00:16:51,096 You're getting warm. 300 00:16:51,183 --> 00:16:52,793 You don't just own this building.. 301 00:16:55,535 --> 00:16:56,841 ...you own everything. 302 00:16:56,928 --> 00:16:58,712 Hot, hot, hot. 303 00:16:58,799 --> 00:17:00,627 Hot as a hot potato. 304 00:17:00,714 --> 00:17:03,543 You see the picture on the wall to the left of the door? 305 00:17:05,241 --> 00:17:06,416 Don't do it. 306 00:17:06,503 --> 00:17:08,070 "On the wall to the left of the door 307 00:17:08,157 --> 00:17:11,421 a revered leader hangs, but always slightly askew. 308 00:17:11,508 --> 00:17:14,641 That's my way of keeping him in perspective." 309 00:17:14,728 --> 00:17:16,600 [music continues] 310 00:17:18,471 --> 00:17:22,258 You're a writer. You made me up. 311 00:17:22,345 --> 00:17:24,521 When? Or is that even the right question? 312 00:17:24,608 --> 00:17:26,392 You first appeared in a mystery 313 00:17:26,479 --> 00:17:32,311 called "Requiem for a Lady" in 19... 77. 314 00:17:32,398 --> 00:17:36,010 You've grown a lot more complex and interesting since then. 315 00:17:36,098 --> 00:17:37,838 You were pretty one-dimensional at the beginning. 316 00:17:37,925 --> 00:17:39,275 Yeah? What a pisser for me. 317 00:17:39,362 --> 00:17:42,016 Your latest was called "How Like A Fallen Angel." 318 00:17:42,104 --> 00:17:46,847 I started that in 1995. Took me five years to finish. 319 00:17:46,934 --> 00:17:48,980 My life's been interesting, Clyde. 320 00:17:49,067 --> 00:17:52,157 Yeah? Well, you screwed up big-time with this one. 321 00:17:52,244 --> 00:17:54,725 I didn't wanna scare you any more than I had to. 322 00:17:54,812 --> 00:17:58,076 Yeah? Well, you're scaring me plenty, mister. 323 00:17:58,163 --> 00:17:59,599 If you created me 324 00:17:59,686 --> 00:18:01,297 and you can turn George Washington 325 00:18:01,384 --> 00:18:04,256 into Franklin Delano Roosevelt.. 326 00:18:04,343 --> 00:18:05,997 ...then you can do anything. 327 00:18:06,084 --> 00:18:09,000 [instrumental music] 328 00:18:10,697 --> 00:18:13,570 [keys clacking] 329 00:18:15,311 --> 00:18:17,226 [wind howling] 330 00:18:17,313 --> 00:18:20,185 [intense music] 331 00:18:30,891 --> 00:18:33,024 Buster. Here, boy. 332 00:18:33,111 --> 00:18:34,634 [whistling] 333 00:18:39,552 --> 00:18:41,989 George? Gloria? 334 00:18:42,076 --> 00:18:43,991 It's me, Clyde, from next door. 335 00:18:47,212 --> 00:18:49,127 [intense music] 336 00:18:58,441 --> 00:19:00,312 [wind howling] 337 00:19:07,189 --> 00:19:10,104 [intense music] 338 00:19:15,153 --> 00:19:17,634 Here's to you, George and Gloria. 339 00:19:17,721 --> 00:19:19,940 No more parties. 340 00:19:20,027 --> 00:19:22,421 No more trips to Palm Desert. 341 00:19:22,508 --> 00:19:24,380 No more Basie and Ellington 342 00:19:24,467 --> 00:19:27,426 blowin' through the open window in spring. 343 00:19:29,167 --> 00:19:30,734 No more of that Welsh Corgi bark 344 00:19:30,821 --> 00:19:33,040 that goes through your head like slivers of glass. 345 00:19:33,127 --> 00:19:36,043 [instrumental music] 346 00:19:38,655 --> 00:19:40,352 You did this. 347 00:19:40,439 --> 00:19:43,050 You made George kill his wife, you stinkin' bastard! 348 00:19:43,137 --> 00:19:44,617 You're a clever boy, Clyde 349 00:19:44,704 --> 00:19:46,228 but readers love nasty murders 350 00:19:46,315 --> 00:19:48,752 because secretly they wanna be the killer 351 00:19:48,839 --> 00:19:50,362 shoot the annoying neighbor. 352 00:19:50,449 --> 00:19:53,191 Strangle that whining girlfriend. 353 00:19:53,278 --> 00:19:54,932 Make-believe is a great healer. 354 00:19:55,019 --> 00:19:56,890 Yeah? Well, it didn't heal the Demmicks. 355 00:19:56,977 --> 00:19:58,631 They were good people. 356 00:19:58,718 --> 00:20:01,112 You think you're god, but you're just a two-bit bully. 357 00:20:01,199 --> 00:20:03,070 Why, I've beaten wise guys tougher than you 358 00:20:03,157 --> 00:20:05,029 in your own books! 359 00:20:07,205 --> 00:20:10,948 "His revelations hit me like some kind 360 00:20:11,035 --> 00:20:14,473 of debilitating drug. 361 00:20:14,560 --> 00:20:17,259 All the strength went out of my muscles. 362 00:20:17,346 --> 00:20:22,873 My legs felt like a couple of strands of al dente spaghetti. 363 00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:27,356 All I could do was flop back in my chair 364 00:20:27,443 --> 00:20:29,140 and look at him." 365 00:20:31,577 --> 00:20:33,405 That's not very good, but rapid composition 366 00:20:33,492 --> 00:20:36,060 has never been one of my strong points. 367 00:20:36,147 --> 00:20:38,062 You son of a bitch. 368 00:20:38,149 --> 00:20:39,803 Yeah. 369 00:20:39,890 --> 00:20:42,153 I suppose I am. 370 00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:44,764 You know your client, Mavis Weld? 371 00:20:44,851 --> 00:20:46,331 She was a character in a novel 372 00:20:46,418 --> 00:20:49,029 called the "Little Sister" by Raymond Chandler. 373 00:20:49,116 --> 00:20:50,640 - Ring a bell? - No. 374 00:20:50,727 --> 00:20:52,511 No. Of course not. 375 00:20:52,598 --> 00:20:54,774 In your world, Chandler never even existed. 376 00:20:54,861 --> 00:20:55,949 But he's the man 377 00:20:56,036 --> 00:20:58,038 for every mystery scribe since then. 378 00:20:58,125 --> 00:21:01,085 Clyde Umney was the name of the lawyer in "Playback." 379 00:21:01,172 --> 00:21:03,957 I did it as a... um, a tribute. 380 00:21:04,044 --> 00:21:06,220 - An hommage. - Hommage? 381 00:21:06,308 --> 00:21:09,049 Sounds like a fancy word for stealing, if you ask me. 382 00:21:09,136 --> 00:21:11,878 So what did you come here for? What's the heist? 383 00:21:11,965 --> 00:21:14,141 I came for you, Clyde. 384 00:21:14,228 --> 00:21:17,057 - For me? - Sorry. 385 00:21:17,144 --> 00:21:18,363 I'm afraid you're gonna have to think of your life 386 00:21:18,450 --> 00:21:20,670 in a new way from now on, Clyde 387 00:21:20,757 --> 00:21:23,020 as a, um.. 388 00:21:23,107 --> 00:21:25,631 ...well, as a pair of shoes. 389 00:21:25,718 --> 00:21:27,633 You're stepping out, and I'm stepping in. 390 00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:30,332 Oh. How fascinating. 391 00:21:30,419 --> 00:21:33,596 And, uh, what happens to Clyde Umney? 392 00:21:34,901 --> 00:21:36,207 I want you to see something. 393 00:21:36,294 --> 00:21:38,122 This is my personal diary. 394 00:21:38,209 --> 00:21:41,560 Don't even think about it. 395 00:21:41,647 --> 00:21:43,475 [breathing heavily] 396 00:21:43,562 --> 00:21:45,956 This is stuff I didn't make up. 397 00:21:46,043 --> 00:21:48,567 This is my life.. 398 00:21:48,654 --> 00:21:50,569 ...the interesting part. 399 00:21:50,656 --> 00:21:52,658 Why did you come for me? 400 00:21:54,312 --> 00:21:55,748 There. 401 00:22:06,063 --> 00:22:07,586 [Clyde] It's.. 402 00:22:07,673 --> 00:22:09,806 It's about a cemetery. 403 00:22:18,771 --> 00:22:21,295 [Sam] Linda and I went to see our son's grave every week. 404 00:22:21,383 --> 00:22:23,341 [Clyde] I'm sorry for you, Landry. 405 00:22:30,043 --> 00:22:31,915 I can't come here anymore. 406 00:22:32,002 --> 00:22:34,352 Why? Are you behind on writing the book? 407 00:22:34,439 --> 00:22:35,571 How can you say that? 408 00:22:35,658 --> 00:22:37,050 Because the book is all you do. 409 00:22:37,137 --> 00:22:38,400 Yes, I write 410 00:22:38,487 --> 00:22:40,706 in order to stay relatively sane. 411 00:22:40,793 --> 00:22:41,838 But coming here is like 412 00:22:41,925 --> 00:22:44,449 ripping out stitches over and over. 413 00:22:44,536 --> 00:22:46,799 Well, I'm not gonna leave Danny. 414 00:22:46,886 --> 00:22:48,453 Nobody's leaving him. 415 00:22:48,540 --> 00:22:50,673 It's just so cold in the ground 416 00:22:50,760 --> 00:22:52,762 and he's all alone. 417 00:22:54,154 --> 00:22:57,506 How long do we go on blaming ourselves? 418 00:22:57,593 --> 00:22:59,943 Just give me a minute, will you, hon'? 419 00:23:02,119 --> 00:23:04,991 [instrumental music] 420 00:23:31,278 --> 00:23:34,194 [children screaming] 421 00:23:41,767 --> 00:23:44,378 Mom! Dad! Look at me! 422 00:23:44,466 --> 00:23:47,556 - Yeah, they're gonna win. - Don't you dare. 423 00:23:47,643 --> 00:23:49,862 - Go! Go! - Oh, yeah! 424 00:23:53,475 --> 00:23:56,390 [clamoring] 425 00:23:58,610 --> 00:24:01,483 [instrumental music] 426 00:24:15,714 --> 00:24:17,586 [splashing] 427 00:24:29,119 --> 00:24:31,382 - You owe me! - Get outta here. 428 00:24:31,469 --> 00:24:33,340 Danny. 429 00:24:33,427 --> 00:24:35,168 Danny! 430 00:24:36,866 --> 00:24:38,737 [cheering] 431 00:24:45,352 --> 00:24:47,093 Danny's at the bottom of the pool! Come on! 432 00:24:47,180 --> 00:24:48,834 Sam! Sam! Sam! 433 00:24:48,921 --> 00:24:51,054 Danny's at the bottom of the pool! 434 00:24:51,141 --> 00:24:52,534 Danny's at the bottom of the pool! 435 00:24:52,621 --> 00:24:54,361 Somebody help! 436 00:24:56,102 --> 00:24:57,974 [instrumental music] 437 00:24:58,061 --> 00:25:01,499 [Linda] Dan! Danny! No! 438 00:25:01,586 --> 00:25:03,545 - Get him out! - Help Danny! 439 00:25:04,328 --> 00:25:05,982 Get him out! 440 00:25:16,862 --> 00:25:18,429 [Linda] Where are you? 441 00:25:20,300 --> 00:25:22,825 Uh, page 187. 442 00:25:22,912 --> 00:25:26,306 No. Not what freakin' page you're on. 443 00:25:26,393 --> 00:25:29,658 Where are you? How are you? 444 00:25:29,745 --> 00:25:31,268 'Cause you're not here with me. 445 00:25:31,355 --> 00:25:32,791 I'm working. 446 00:25:32,878 --> 00:25:34,445 You're escaping. 447 00:25:34,532 --> 00:25:37,013 Off in your own private universe. 448 00:25:37,100 --> 00:25:38,623 Oh, God. 449 00:25:38,710 --> 00:25:41,278 You know what? That's great for you, Sam. 450 00:25:41,365 --> 00:25:43,410 Why don't you just live in your fictional world 451 00:25:43,497 --> 00:25:45,151 because that way, you never have to face the fact 452 00:25:45,238 --> 00:25:47,110 that we've lost our son. 453 00:25:48,764 --> 00:25:50,809 I'm aware of the facts. 454 00:25:54,857 --> 00:25:59,470 God. You know what? 455 00:25:59,557 --> 00:26:03,082 Maybe I'm as nutty as you, but sometimes.. 456 00:26:03,169 --> 00:26:05,476 ...sometimes I wish Clyde Umney were here. 457 00:26:05,563 --> 00:26:08,610 He's definitely younger. 458 00:26:08,697 --> 00:26:11,787 I mean, remember when he saved Ardis McGill from going crazy 459 00:26:11,874 --> 00:26:14,572 when she lost her little sister to a life of prostitution 460 00:26:14,659 --> 00:26:17,183 and, and how he consoled Mrs. Norris 461 00:26:17,270 --> 00:26:20,534 and how like a fallen angel, h-he gave her hope. 462 00:26:20,622 --> 00:26:22,188 He brought her back to life. 463 00:26:22,275 --> 00:26:24,277 He screwed her brains out. 464 00:26:26,758 --> 00:26:29,848 You just sit there staring at that screen. 465 00:26:33,069 --> 00:26:35,549 Linda didn't know it, but.. 466 00:26:35,637 --> 00:26:37,987 ...she gave me the idea to come here. 467 00:26:38,074 --> 00:26:39,597 She's given me a lot of good ideas. 468 00:26:39,684 --> 00:26:41,381 Not only do you steal from that guy Ray Chandler 469 00:26:41,468 --> 00:26:42,948 you steal from your own wife. 470 00:26:43,035 --> 00:26:44,994 I've heard of low, but that's bargain basement. 471 00:26:45,081 --> 00:26:47,083 Are you getting this news flash? 472 00:26:47,170 --> 00:26:49,085 Writers are the most shameless 473 00:26:49,172 --> 00:26:51,696 self-centered bastards in the world. 474 00:26:51,783 --> 00:26:54,830 We lie, we seduce, we'll steal your soul. 475 00:26:54,917 --> 00:26:56,527 Anything to look good on the page. 476 00:26:56,614 --> 00:26:58,485 Eh, you won't get any tea and sympathy from me. 477 00:26:58,572 --> 00:27:00,618 I'm a bestselling author 478 00:27:00,705 --> 00:27:03,839 and I don't have the words to console my own wife. 479 00:27:04,970 --> 00:27:06,363 You're my alter ego. 480 00:27:06,450 --> 00:27:08,800 You can do what I can't do. 481 00:27:08,887 --> 00:27:11,324 - Go to Linda. Help her. - You are nuts! 482 00:27:11,411 --> 00:27:13,109 Like the way you saved Mrs. Sternwood 483 00:27:13,196 --> 00:27:16,199 from swallowing drain cleaner, if that'd been me.. 484 00:27:16,286 --> 00:27:18,636 ...I would've had a panic attack. But you were great. 485 00:27:18,723 --> 00:27:21,857 I'll stay right here in my own shoes, thanks. 486 00:27:21,944 --> 00:27:24,294 As you say in your world, I am the man. 487 00:27:24,381 --> 00:27:27,079 What the hell does that mean? We're all men. 488 00:27:27,166 --> 00:27:29,691 Here. Take a powder. I got work to do. 489 00:27:29,778 --> 00:27:31,910 Don't get snotty. I made you. 490 00:27:31,997 --> 00:27:34,696 Oops. Did we make daddy mad? 491 00:27:34,783 --> 00:27:36,828 Is that how you talked to your little boy? 492 00:27:38,395 --> 00:27:39,570 Damn you. 493 00:27:39,657 --> 00:27:41,398 Ah, what are you gonna do? 494 00:27:41,485 --> 00:27:43,922 Turn me into a barking dog? 495 00:27:44,009 --> 00:27:47,447 "Dunninger's boys knew they couldn't touch me 496 00:27:47,534 --> 00:27:49,841 without bringing down the heat. 497 00:27:49,928 --> 00:27:54,019 So they took it out on my girl. 498 00:27:54,106 --> 00:27:58,197 Well, not her, exactly 499 00:27:58,284 --> 00:27:59,677 but her little sister." 500 00:27:59,764 --> 00:28:00,983 Don't do this, Landry. 501 00:28:01,070 --> 00:28:04,464 "And when Ardis found the poor kid 502 00:28:04,551 --> 00:28:06,728 she looked like she'd been attacked 503 00:28:06,815 --> 00:28:09,295 by a circus of crazed monkeys 504 00:28:09,382 --> 00:28:11,080 with Samurai swords." 505 00:28:11,167 --> 00:28:13,082 Stop it, you stinkin' pervert! 506 00:28:13,169 --> 00:28:16,563 "And they carved her face into monkey meat." 507 00:28:16,650 --> 00:28:19,566 They killed her, Clyde, my poor little sister. 508 00:28:19,653 --> 00:28:22,265 - I know. - Why did she have to suffer so? 509 00:28:22,352 --> 00:28:23,788 Ardis, get the hell out of here. 510 00:28:23,875 --> 00:28:25,659 I told you it would never be good. 511 00:28:25,747 --> 00:28:27,400 This world of ours is a heartless maze 512 00:28:27,487 --> 00:28:29,359 of greed and hate, and there's no way out. 513 00:28:29,446 --> 00:28:32,884 You're wrong. The world is bright because you're in it. 514 00:28:32,971 --> 00:28:34,277 Why do bullies always win? 515 00:28:34,364 --> 00:28:36,496 "She was already over the edge. 516 00:28:36,583 --> 00:28:39,586 And there was nothing I could do to stop her." 517 00:28:39,673 --> 00:28:41,327 They don't always win. You know why? 518 00:28:41,414 --> 00:28:42,807 Because there's love. 519 00:28:42,894 --> 00:28:46,942 "She had taken things into her own hands." 520 00:28:47,029 --> 00:28:48,813 I hear you, my darling. 521 00:28:48,900 --> 00:28:51,250 Ardis, listen. 522 00:28:51,337 --> 00:28:52,295 No! 523 00:28:52,382 --> 00:28:55,298 [grunting] 524 00:28:55,385 --> 00:28:57,517 I wish you all the love in the world. 525 00:28:57,604 --> 00:28:59,432 [gunshot] 526 00:29:06,135 --> 00:29:08,398 You didn't have to do that. 527 00:29:08,485 --> 00:29:09,660 It's a new chapter, pal. 528 00:29:09,747 --> 00:29:11,880 You think you're pretty slick 529 00:29:11,967 --> 00:29:13,577 Mr. God almighty. 530 00:29:13,664 --> 00:29:15,840 But you're a bush-league version of god. 531 00:29:15,927 --> 00:29:18,190 I'm not your puppet. You can't control me. 532 00:29:18,277 --> 00:29:20,323 "My will ebbing 533 00:29:20,410 --> 00:29:22,281 I pushed on." 534 00:29:22,368 --> 00:29:23,935 - "This was it." - You're dust. 535 00:29:24,022 --> 00:29:26,459 - And your stories are dust. - "Final adversary.." 536 00:29:26,546 --> 00:29:28,157 - It's the characters... - "The last gun battle.." 537 00:29:28,244 --> 00:29:29,375 Nobody'll remember your clever... 538 00:29:29,462 --> 00:29:30,724 "...coming at me 539 00:29:30,812 --> 00:29:32,683 like a bullet to the gut." 540 00:29:32,770 --> 00:29:35,555 But they'll remember Clyde Umney. 541 00:29:35,642 --> 00:29:37,644 Ah, that's right. 542 00:29:37,731 --> 00:29:40,169 Make everything stop so you can do anything you want. 543 00:29:40,256 --> 00:29:41,823 Clyde Umney would never do that. 544 00:29:41,910 --> 00:29:44,042 He'd call it the coward's way out. 545 00:29:47,567 --> 00:29:49,395 Let me live. 546 00:29:49,482 --> 00:29:51,267 This is my life. 547 00:29:52,398 --> 00:29:53,486 Too late. 548 00:29:53,573 --> 00:29:55,314 [swooshing] 549 00:29:55,401 --> 00:29:57,708 It's my name on the windows. 550 00:29:57,795 --> 00:30:00,624 I have always wanted to be a private eye. 551 00:30:00,711 --> 00:30:02,408 Ever since I was a little kid. 552 00:30:02,495 --> 00:30:05,455 To live in a world I could understand. 553 00:30:05,542 --> 00:30:08,632 Where sweet little boys don't drown.. 554 00:30:08,719 --> 00:30:11,374 ...and husbands and wives don't stop loving each other. 555 00:30:12,810 --> 00:30:15,073 That place is here. 556 00:30:15,160 --> 00:30:19,077 My place, my time, Los Angeles, 1938. 557 00:30:19,164 --> 00:30:22,689 And that private eye is me. 558 00:30:22,776 --> 00:30:24,561 Is this the end of Clyde Umney? 559 00:30:24,648 --> 00:30:26,563 I don't exactly know what's coming. 560 00:30:27,825 --> 00:30:29,653 Close your eyes. 561 00:30:29,740 --> 00:30:32,569 I'll try to make this quick. 562 00:30:32,656 --> 00:30:35,485 I hope it doesn't hurt, old buddy. 563 00:30:35,572 --> 00:30:39,881 But you could care less if it does, you arrogant prick. 564 00:30:39,968 --> 00:30:42,884 "And so I left town. 565 00:30:45,321 --> 00:30:47,889 And as to where I finished up 566 00:30:47,976 --> 00:30:50,152 well, mister 567 00:30:50,239 --> 00:30:52,850 I think that's my business. Don't you? 568 00:30:55,984 --> 00:30:57,811 The end." 569 00:31:01,293 --> 00:31:04,166 [intense music] 570 00:31:09,519 --> 00:31:11,390 [breathing heavily] 571 00:31:26,492 --> 00:31:27,929 [Linda] Sam. 572 00:31:28,016 --> 00:31:29,669 I'm Clyde Umney. 573 00:31:32,194 --> 00:31:33,630 Gosh, Sam, what did you do? 574 00:31:33,717 --> 00:31:35,719 You grow a mustache while I'm mopping the floor? 575 00:31:35,806 --> 00:31:38,200 I'm Clyde Umney, Mrs. Landry, from 1938. 576 00:31:38,287 --> 00:31:40,332 This is a little early for Halloween, honey. 577 00:31:40,419 --> 00:31:43,205 Can I come in? The pool is cold. 578 00:31:43,292 --> 00:31:44,554 [shivering] 579 00:31:44,641 --> 00:31:46,164 What do you expect? 580 00:31:46,251 --> 00:31:48,732 Nobody's used it in months. 581 00:31:48,819 --> 00:31:51,213 I guess nobody would. 582 00:31:51,300 --> 00:31:53,215 Not since your son drowned. 583 00:31:53,302 --> 00:31:55,695 Danny. He was six years old. 584 00:31:57,567 --> 00:31:59,264 Sam told me all about it. 585 00:31:59,351 --> 00:32:02,746 And I'm sorry. It was a tragic accident, ma'am 586 00:32:02,833 --> 00:32:05,270 and you don't need to be shoulderin' the blame. 587 00:32:05,357 --> 00:32:07,533 When did you talk to Sam? 588 00:32:07,620 --> 00:32:10,058 When he came into my office and stole my damn life. 589 00:32:11,450 --> 00:32:13,713 So.. 590 00:32:13,800 --> 00:32:16,455 ...this is the house imagination built. 591 00:32:16,542 --> 00:32:18,022 Sam was big on imagination. 592 00:32:18,109 --> 00:32:19,850 Yeah, I can imagine him. 593 00:32:19,937 --> 00:32:22,200 In cement shoes at the bottom of a lake. 594 00:32:24,028 --> 00:32:25,899 Sam talked about this. 595 00:32:27,031 --> 00:32:29,338 He called it the big rewrite. 596 00:32:29,425 --> 00:32:32,863 He was gonna write you out of your world 597 00:32:32,950 --> 00:32:34,952 and write himself back in. 598 00:32:35,039 --> 00:32:38,477 I just thought it was another one of his daydreams. 599 00:32:38,564 --> 00:32:40,088 But.. 600 00:32:40,175 --> 00:32:41,567 Wait, you're.. 601 00:32:42,742 --> 00:32:44,831 You're as real as can be. 602 00:32:44,918 --> 00:32:46,616 We swapped lives. 603 00:32:46,703 --> 00:32:49,445 That's what must've happened. 604 00:32:49,532 --> 00:32:51,055 What did it feel like? 605 00:32:51,142 --> 00:32:54,754 There was a... a lot of bright, green light, and then.. 606 00:32:54,841 --> 00:32:57,366 I guess I came in through the machine. 607 00:32:57,453 --> 00:32:59,368 Like a keyhole between two worlds. 608 00:33:01,674 --> 00:33:03,372 But it feels alright. 609 00:33:06,027 --> 00:33:06,984 Hm. 610 00:33:07,071 --> 00:33:08,768 That thing is.. 611 00:33:08,855 --> 00:33:11,771 ...black-magic voodoo. 612 00:33:11,858 --> 00:33:13,643 On a good day. 613 00:33:13,730 --> 00:33:16,559 Does this mean that Sam is gone? 614 00:33:16,646 --> 00:33:19,127 He's probably got his heels up on my damn desk right now. 615 00:33:19,214 --> 00:33:21,477 Fleecing my clients and chasing my girl. 616 00:33:21,564 --> 00:33:23,131 Only, she's dead. 617 00:33:23,218 --> 00:33:26,134 He probably brought her back to life, the selfish bastard. 618 00:33:28,397 --> 00:33:30,268 - Do you want a drink? - You oughta know. 619 00:33:30,355 --> 00:33:32,879 Oh, hold the phone. 620 00:33:32,966 --> 00:33:35,882 [instrumental music] 621 00:33:37,275 --> 00:33:38,407 [pop] 622 00:33:46,284 --> 00:33:47,807 Hmm. Ahh. 623 00:33:49,287 --> 00:33:51,507 You're a lot more fun in person. 624 00:33:51,594 --> 00:33:53,465 In the novels, you're very grim. 625 00:33:53,552 --> 00:33:55,772 Murder is grim, Mrs. Landry. 626 00:33:58,862 --> 00:34:01,038 What the hell are we supposed to do now? 627 00:34:01,125 --> 00:34:03,171 Well.. 628 00:34:03,258 --> 00:34:05,216 you're a hard-boiled detective and I'm a dame. 629 00:34:05,303 --> 00:34:07,262 We could always find some lonely, gullible type 630 00:34:07,349 --> 00:34:09,264 and shoot him for the insurance. 631 00:34:11,527 --> 00:34:14,486 Irony. You didn't have that in your world. 632 00:34:14,573 --> 00:34:18,447 You mean talkin' uppity in order to sound smart? 633 00:34:19,491 --> 00:34:20,840 Yeah. 634 00:34:23,582 --> 00:34:25,062 We had it. 635 00:34:25,976 --> 00:34:28,892 [instrumental music] 636 00:34:36,769 --> 00:34:38,597 Sam Landry, private investigator. 637 00:34:43,733 --> 00:34:46,127 Sam Landry, private investigator. 638 00:34:48,303 --> 00:34:50,522 Sam Landry here. 639 00:34:50,609 --> 00:34:52,655 Jes.. Ring. 640 00:34:54,744 --> 00:34:56,398 Landry here. 641 00:34:56,485 --> 00:34:58,617 Doll, I told ya, don't call me at work. 642 00:35:02,708 --> 00:35:05,276 This is gonna be alright. 643 00:35:08,801 --> 00:35:10,020 [beeping] 644 00:35:13,284 --> 00:35:16,069 Ah. That's swell of you, Mrs. Landry. 645 00:35:16,157 --> 00:35:18,071 Well, I want you to feel at home. 646 00:35:20,117 --> 00:35:21,597 Say, uh.. 647 00:35:22,902 --> 00:35:24,730 Ahh. 648 00:35:24,817 --> 00:35:26,384 You know how to work that machine? 649 00:35:26,471 --> 00:35:28,430 Not if you keep calling me Mrs. Landry. 650 00:35:28,517 --> 00:35:30,301 Couldn't be any harder than flyin' an airplane. 651 00:35:30,388 --> 00:35:32,042 Like you did in wings of deceit. 652 00:35:32,129 --> 00:35:33,696 You know, that was not Sam's best. 653 00:35:33,783 --> 00:35:36,786 He had some success, and then he got fat and lazy. 654 00:35:36,873 --> 00:35:39,005 Are you gettin' this news flash, Mrs. Landry? 655 00:35:39,092 --> 00:35:40,703 Your husband cared for you, he didn't want you 656 00:35:40,790 --> 00:35:42,357 to suffer anymore, because of the kid kickin' off. 657 00:35:42,444 --> 00:35:43,880 That's why I'm here. 658 00:35:43,967 --> 00:35:45,273 That's why everything's loused up 659 00:35:45,360 --> 00:35:47,057 and somehow I gotta get back. 660 00:35:47,144 --> 00:35:49,364 But you can't, because that's not the way Sam wrote it. 661 00:35:49,451 --> 00:35:50,887 Well, screw him. 662 00:35:50,974 --> 00:35:53,150 Sam was right, though. 663 00:35:53,237 --> 00:35:57,502 Being with you is having a very positive effect. 664 00:35:57,589 --> 00:35:58,938 - Yeah? - Yeah. 665 00:35:59,025 --> 00:36:00,723 Well, I call it hell. 666 00:36:00,810 --> 00:36:03,160 Frozen dinners you cook in a box. 667 00:36:03,247 --> 00:36:05,815 Sneakers that look like Frankenstein shoes! 668 00:36:05,902 --> 00:36:07,295 Music that sounds like crows 669 00:36:07,382 --> 00:36:08,818 being steamed alive in a pressure cooker. 670 00:36:08,905 --> 00:36:11,560 There's a lot to recommend in this world. 671 00:36:11,647 --> 00:36:13,649 The sushi. 672 00:36:13,736 --> 00:36:15,607 Caller ID. 673 00:36:15,694 --> 00:36:18,393 Three hundred-thread-count Egyptian cotton sheets 674 00:36:18,480 --> 00:36:19,829 available by catalog. 675 00:36:19,916 --> 00:36:21,613 Wait a minute. 676 00:36:21,700 --> 00:36:23,615 Bite me, Clyde. I'm just a tramp. 677 00:36:23,702 --> 00:36:25,965 I know who are. You're Cora Papadakis. 678 00:36:26,052 --> 00:36:28,141 The hellcat from requiem for a lady. 679 00:36:28,229 --> 00:36:29,665 You know, Sam stole that name 680 00:36:29,752 --> 00:36:31,710 from a man called James M. Cain. 681 00:36:31,797 --> 00:36:34,104 He was a greedy little thief. 682 00:36:34,191 --> 00:36:36,280 - You're no good. You're a bum. - Oh, God. 683 00:36:36,367 --> 00:36:39,892 Oh, just relax, will you? We're a married couple. 684 00:36:39,979 --> 00:36:41,590 If you and my husband are the same person 685 00:36:41,677 --> 00:36:44,157 then technically, we must be married. 686 00:36:44,245 --> 00:36:46,551 Ardis McGill was always supposed to be my one true love. 687 00:36:46,638 --> 00:36:49,772 But wait. We don't have to play by his rules, Clyde. 688 00:36:49,859 --> 00:36:51,643 We can write our own story. 689 00:36:51,730 --> 00:36:54,951 Oh, let's just drive to Mexico, baby 690 00:36:55,038 --> 00:36:58,607 just you, me, and the road. 691 00:36:58,694 --> 00:37:00,826 Let's make a baby. 692 00:37:00,913 --> 00:37:03,786 I know it's gonna look.. 693 00:37:03,873 --> 00:37:05,962 ...just.. 694 00:37:06,049 --> 00:37:07,442 ...like you. 695 00:37:11,315 --> 00:37:14,231 When did you open shop, Detective Landry? 696 00:37:14,318 --> 00:37:15,928 A few chapters ago. 697 00:37:16,015 --> 00:37:17,365 [grunts] 698 00:37:18,757 --> 00:37:20,324 I see. 699 00:37:21,586 --> 00:37:24,110 So.. What up? 700 00:37:24,197 --> 00:37:26,504 [chuckling] 701 00:37:26,591 --> 00:37:28,158 Um.. 702 00:37:28,245 --> 00:37:29,942 You suspect your wife of fooling around? 703 00:37:30,029 --> 00:37:31,988 [bell ringing] 704 00:37:38,690 --> 00:37:41,214 - Hi, Mr. Landry. - Candy? 705 00:37:41,302 --> 00:37:42,825 No, thanks. 706 00:37:42,912 --> 00:37:44,740 I'm here to clean your pool. 707 00:37:44,827 --> 00:37:48,047 Oh. So that's what they're callin' it these days. 708 00:37:48,134 --> 00:37:50,485 [chuckling] Yeah. 709 00:37:50,572 --> 00:37:52,835 So, you look good. 710 00:37:52,922 --> 00:37:55,054 How's the writing going? 711 00:37:55,141 --> 00:37:56,491 Peachy. 712 00:37:56,578 --> 00:37:59,450 [instrumental music] 713 00:38:06,501 --> 00:38:08,590 I'm home, honey! 714 00:38:10,026 --> 00:38:11,506 - Bang bang! - No! Whoa! 715 00:38:11,593 --> 00:38:13,595 - Ah! - Ho-ho! No! No. 716 00:38:13,682 --> 00:38:15,205 - Yeah, you better run. - Ha-ha! 717 00:38:15,292 --> 00:38:17,425 I got a big, bad gun, and you're gonna get it. 718 00:38:17,512 --> 00:38:20,819 Don't shoot. Don't shoot. I'll do anything. 719 00:38:20,906 --> 00:38:22,691 Danny's at the bottom of the pool! 720 00:38:22,778 --> 00:38:23,909 Danny's at the bottom of.. 721 00:38:23,996 --> 00:38:26,608 [Linda] Sam! Sam! Go! Sam! Go! 722 00:38:27,739 --> 00:38:28,871 Mom! 723 00:38:28,958 --> 00:38:31,177 Don't shoot. I'll do anything. 724 00:38:31,264 --> 00:38:34,703 - Get out! - Whoa! 725 00:38:34,790 --> 00:38:38,228 - Whoa! Wai.. - Leave my boy alone! 726 00:38:38,315 --> 00:38:40,143 - Lousy, two-faced.. - Alright, calm down. Calm down. 727 00:38:40,230 --> 00:38:42,275 Washed-up divorce detective with bad breath. 728 00:38:42,363 --> 00:38:45,931 Calm down. Calm down, Mrs. Landry. 729 00:38:46,018 --> 00:38:47,846 I just want Sam and Danny. 730 00:38:47,933 --> 00:38:49,848 Get ahold of yourself, Mrs. Landry. 731 00:38:49,935 --> 00:38:51,589 I thought we could start over. 732 00:38:51,676 --> 00:38:52,895 I thought we could have a baby 733 00:38:52,982 --> 00:38:54,200 and it would look just... 734 00:38:54,287 --> 00:38:55,680 Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. 735 00:38:55,767 --> 00:38:57,160 No. 736 00:38:57,247 --> 00:38:59,380 I bought clothes. 737 00:38:59,467 --> 00:39:02,383 I was gonna surprise you with a second honeymoon. 738 00:39:02,470 --> 00:39:04,733 Or first, or whichever, but.. 739 00:39:04,820 --> 00:39:06,561 You're with her. 740 00:39:06,648 --> 00:39:08,824 It's never gonna change, Mrs. Landry. 741 00:39:08,911 --> 00:39:11,696 This is who I am. This is how it's written. 742 00:39:11,783 --> 00:39:13,263 No. No. 743 00:39:13,350 --> 00:39:15,091 Because Sam changed the ending. 744 00:39:15,178 --> 00:39:18,050 Sam thought he was god, but he forgot one thing. 745 00:39:18,137 --> 00:39:20,052 Character is destiny. 746 00:39:20,139 --> 00:39:22,707 Clyde Umney's never gonna change. 747 00:39:22,794 --> 00:39:25,057 If it makes you feel any better, I don't wanna be here either. 748 00:39:25,144 --> 00:39:26,581 In this groaning world of yours 749 00:39:26,668 --> 00:39:29,932 with its freight of disease and senseless violence. 750 00:39:32,282 --> 00:39:35,198 [instrumental music] 751 00:39:35,894 --> 00:39:37,200 Oh. 752 00:39:39,115 --> 00:39:41,422 Just go. 753 00:39:41,509 --> 00:39:44,555 Just go back to wherever it is you came from. 754 00:39:44,642 --> 00:39:46,470 In a snap, Mrs. Landry. 755 00:39:48,429 --> 00:39:50,561 Only, God didn't leave the directions. 756 00:40:04,009 --> 00:40:06,359 - I know she is. - How do you know? 757 00:40:06,447 --> 00:40:09,319 - I saw them together. - You saw them together. 758 00:40:09,406 --> 00:40:10,929 So that's how you.. 759 00:40:12,496 --> 00:40:14,455 ...put it together. 760 00:40:14,542 --> 00:40:18,720 - Yes. In the toolshed. - Mm-hmm. 761 00:40:18,807 --> 00:40:21,331 What, may I ask.. 762 00:40:21,418 --> 00:40:24,421 [sighs] Of course, you may ask. You ask him. 763 00:40:26,510 --> 00:40:28,077 What were they doing in the toolshed? 764 00:40:28,164 --> 00:40:31,559 Is it necessary to go into such personal details? 765 00:40:31,646 --> 00:40:33,386 That's why they say "Private" 766 00:40:33,474 --> 00:40:35,476 in private eye, Mr. Woolrich. 767 00:40:40,002 --> 00:40:41,960 That's pretty good. 768 00:40:46,269 --> 00:40:49,141 [instrumental music] 769 00:40:51,100 --> 00:40:53,015 [siren blaring] 770 00:41:00,805 --> 00:41:02,807 - We need a nurse in here. - Right there. 771 00:41:02,894 --> 00:41:05,375 His pupils are fixed and dilated. 772 00:41:05,462 --> 00:41:06,985 - Okay. Let's move him. - Yes, doctor. 773 00:41:07,072 --> 00:41:08,378 One, two.. 774 00:41:12,643 --> 00:41:14,123 We're losing him. 775 00:41:25,134 --> 00:41:28,006 [instrumental music] 776 00:41:46,329 --> 00:41:48,244 [thunder rumbling] 777 00:41:58,123 --> 00:42:00,996 [music continues] 778 00:42:03,955 --> 00:42:04,956 [wind whooshing] 779 00:42:21,364 --> 00:42:23,279 [screaming] 780 00:42:25,324 --> 00:42:27,413 - No. - Detective Landry. 781 00:42:30,025 --> 00:42:32,723 No. No. 782 00:42:32,810 --> 00:42:35,334 - What on earth? - No. 783 00:42:43,865 --> 00:42:46,084 [crashing] 784 00:42:46,171 --> 00:42:48,043 [car alarm blaring] 785 00:42:51,873 --> 00:42:54,615 [instrumental music] 786 00:42:54,702 --> 00:42:56,442 What have I done? 787 00:43:05,451 --> 00:43:07,628 What didn't I do? 788 00:43:20,728 --> 00:43:23,644 [music continues] 789 00:43:54,979 --> 00:43:56,851 [music continues] 790 00:43:59,375 --> 00:44:01,725 [Clyde] "Ardis McGill was a really great gal. 791 00:44:01,812 --> 00:44:03,727 I mean, really great. 792 00:44:03,814 --> 00:44:06,991 In the sense that you'd never met anyone like her before." 793 00:44:08,906 --> 00:44:10,821 Take me back. 794 00:44:10,908 --> 00:44:15,652 Through the looking glass.. now. 795 00:44:15,739 --> 00:44:17,567 Wow. 796 00:44:17,654 --> 00:44:19,003 Honey, that's really bad. 797 00:44:19,090 --> 00:44:21,397 Okay, okay, it isn't perfect. 798 00:44:21,484 --> 00:44:23,355 [scoffs] It sucks. 799 00:44:23,442 --> 00:44:26,402 - But who says you can't learn? - God. 800 00:44:26,489 --> 00:44:29,013 I guess it's a one-way thing. You can't just type the words. 801 00:44:29,100 --> 00:44:30,449 You gotta be a real writer. 802 00:44:30,536 --> 00:44:32,016 Which is what? 803 00:44:32,103 --> 00:44:35,977 A writer wakes up with his mouth full of pity. 804 00:44:36,064 --> 00:44:37,979 Hemingway said that. 805 00:44:38,066 --> 00:44:41,460 How did I know? I didn't. It was Sam. 806 00:44:41,547 --> 00:44:43,071 Sam's the real writer. 807 00:44:43,158 --> 00:44:44,725 I'm just me. 808 00:44:45,769 --> 00:44:47,902 Forget it, baby. 809 00:44:47,989 --> 00:44:50,687 No. I'm gonna get better at this. 810 00:44:50,774 --> 00:44:52,384 Did you read that, Sam? 811 00:44:52,471 --> 00:44:54,735 I'm comin' after you. 812 00:44:54,822 --> 00:44:56,606 I found my way in. 813 00:44:56,693 --> 00:44:59,435 I can see you, but I don't think you'll be able to see me. 814 00:44:59,522 --> 00:45:01,698 Not until I wrap my hands around your neck. 815 00:45:01,785 --> 00:45:03,352 [chuckling] 816 00:45:03,439 --> 00:45:05,310 Until next time, pal. 817 00:45:06,747 --> 00:45:09,662 [instrumental music] 818 00:45:38,517 --> 00:45:41,433 [music continues]